That is me.. Dressed up in my mother's Bridal dress. What I can make out from my parent's wedding day photographs, she must have looked Goddess in this dress. I don't do much justice to it though. Can you see those two ponytails sticking out? Thank God, I was a kid.. so you can safely say "how cute" and so I can safely smile one of my heartiest smiles with a little proud blush...
Since those days, I have always tried to be like mother. In my play, I would wear her Jewellery, her make up, her high heel sandals, where my little feet would often get lost and strut around the house with my head held high. I would always stare at her in wonder when she would get ready for the parties. As she put the kajal around her eyes to make those already big beautiful eyes more beautiful and as she twisted the butt of her lipstick to smear it on her already lovely lips.. I would keep looking at her face.... mesmerized...
Time has passed, I have grown up. I have changed from cute to ugly, from naughty to rebellious. But ma, has remained the same. She still gets angry at me. Those days when I would not finish my milk, then later when I would not do my homework and now when I come home late. She still makes it a point, that her children never toe the line of discipline... Her reasons might have changed with time, but Ma still gets angry at her little angel...
She has remained the same... She was beautiful then... She is divine, even today... Today when she twists that butt of her Lipstick, I wonder whether things will remain this way. Whether she would again twist her Lipstick tomorrow, and then again day after..... will she go on twisting her lipstick this way.... forever....
So much has changed. So many things, I never guessed... would ever change... have changed. And they have all changed only for the worse. The change has given me torn emotions, shattered my beliefs, broken my dreams, darkened my vision, cracked me up, ripped me apart and left me with only black memories which I wish were never mine...
I now fear change. What if tomorrow I find the lipstick on the dressing table and I find no one to twist it... What if I come home late and find no one to wait on me.... no one to scold me.... What if there is nothing to see, nothing to feel, nothing to claim... as mine....
I fear tomorrow. I fear change....Terribly..
Eventually, In time.....I would look into the mirror and not find my reflection. Spell my name and not recognize its sound. Live a life and never believe.... it was mine...
2 comments:
Now this is formulated very female. But somebody can comment the end well. One can live the life, however, only if one has the possibilities. The possibilities for the life with all its freedoms. Simply the life live isn't possible. This is my opinion.
Wow! I understand the feeling love. Well keep in touch. I am always here 4 u.
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