Trust me, I Haven't..!

Today is perhaps, the most memorable day of my life. I got up at nine in the morning, as usual, just when daddy was leaving for office. My brother had already left for his tutions. Mum is not in town. She is in Kolkata, visiting my grandmother. As Daddy left for his office, he woke me up with instructions to be given to the maid who was to arrive around ten to sweep and mop the floor.

Hasi, our maid is a wierd woman. My mother's pet.. and after taking up mum's place in the house for this brief period of her absence, Hasi is my pet too. There is so much to do in the house. Only God knows what would have happend of me, had Hasi not been around. Still I would say she is a wierd woman. She is the gossip queen of the township. She is indeed very irritating and I fiercely hate her for all that she does to disturb my sleep. Everyday she would be here, giving a report of rumours and speaking rubbish about her other customers in the neighbourhood, in a loud voice which even if i try to describe in the mildest of adjectives is cacophonic, ear drum blasting...

Hasi may be our maid but she owns a flat of her own with a Fridge and a colour Television set. She is always dressed in a neat flower printed cotton saree. Her hair neatly oiled and parted to form a bun at the back. and unlike many other maids, she is decked with jewellry. A nose ring, many hundred gold and glass bangles on each wrist, silver anklets, large gold earrings. we may sometimes look a bit storm struck, at home, but Hasi is always prim and proper. as she sweeps the floor and mops it clean, washes the dishes, not a single hair on her head, displaces.

Today when she rang the ugly sounding bell [which is supposed to ring like a birdsong as the picture of the blue bird on its cover had indicated] I nearly fell down from the couch, where i had fallen back to sleep after daddy had left. Hasi walked in with her trademark red toothed smile [wich i dont pay any heed to, and today was no different]. I comanded, "where were you yesterday? you haven't watered the plants, haven't taken the garbage out. Why.. may I ask?"

She flaunted another of those morbid smiles , " why, Yesterday was raining". "But it rains almost everyday now. will you stop comming just because it rains?". "No but I am here today Didi [Madam]." I was already pretty annoyed with the sharp bell. now this argument. "Listen, Mum is not here, Don't try to take that advantage ok? I will not spare you for this lazyness of yours". I think i had heated it much for her now. she was beginning to feel little uncomfortable. As mum had once said, Hasi was not much accustomed to rebukes. She had a very strong sense of self respect. she tried hard to defend herself which angered me more. I mean, why will she wat to defend herself. When she knows she is at fault, why can't she simply say sorry and have it over? But Hasi didnot say sorry. She went on mumbling a series of her time tested excuses.

I was beginning to tire. I said in one of my very strong voices, " Listen, Dont give me this shit. I know it all. Have seen Many like you. We pay you ok? That means you wil have to listen to what I say. Better keep all This shit to yourself or give it to someone else, not to me". Hasi is almost my mother's age. I think, this must have been too much for her. her eyes had reddened with angry tears. her hands were shaking. As I mumbled the first abuse [which i often do when i get angry] she could not hold herself any longer, made a move and pushed me a little. And She had gone too far with me now. What gripped me then was perhaps pure madness. I did something which I still don't believe I can do. Its definately not me. Its definately not the way i could stoop so low. With all the strength rage could gather, I pushed her back.

May be, Hasi too, like me, had not expected this. she lost her balance. As her pink flowery saree caught her feet, she fell on the floor and hit her head on the center table corner.

Hasi is now lying in a pool of blood here, since past i don't remember how many hours now. I had sat with a thump on this chair moments after she hit the ground, trying to grasp all that was happening. I can't think. My mind has gone all numb. I cannot feel my hands. Neither my legs. I cannot get up. My stomach has been churning since then. that may be because I haven't had any breakfast, or is it something else..? This blood has turned slimy now and is stinking something awful. I have puked twice now. except for that I cannot figure out anything that i can, should, need to do. I haven't called up daddy. What the heck am I supposed to tell him..? Today is perhaps the most memorable day of my life for from today, life will never be like it used to be, before.

Oh God! I didn't mean to do this. I never thought this would happen. Why is that I always loose control when I am angry. I hav tried to overcome this many times, but has never happened. I was simply out of my mind, but i never meant to do this to her. Oh God, you know, I didnot kill her. I am not a Murderer.

Its almost four in the afternoon. Hasi was breathing slightly some hours ago but now she is lying silent and stiff, in a pool of dark red slimy blood, with one hand on her stomach, the other near her head, all blue and ghastly...